Gay lesbian Agony UncleMaterial Boy is back Ireland’s number one agony uncle for the gay and lesbian community <3. Are you gay and are experiencing relationship issues? Or are you a lesbian who is soon to be walking down the aisle and needs some expert advice? Either way Material Boy is here :)

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Hi Hag Party,

I am looking for advice regarding my upcoming wedding to my partner. I love him dearly but we have completely different tastes on how our wedding should be. I love glitz and glamour where he is more conservative and would rather blend in. He is a good few years older than me and said it’s a generation thing (15 year age gap). Is there a way we can bring both our tastes together and have a wedding that will keep both of us happy? It is causing a bit of tension in the relationship but we cannot seem to find any compromise?

David

Getting married can be a very stressful time for both people but try and remember what it is all about :) – one has to compromise and two people will always have different tastes. When I got married to my husband two years ago we made it clear what we both wanted but it was also clear that wanted very different things. We couldn’t agree so we made a decision that one was in charge of the  music then the other would be in charge of flowers etc. It made things easier and this way we focused on what both of us wanted and we achieved our wishes. You have to respect each other so it’s best to delegate and be reasonable even if things get heated. Always remember that a marriage is about love and that ye love each other. 

Hello,

The parents of my fiancé have just stated that they won’t attend our wedding. My fiancé (understandably) is completely distraught and doesn’t know whether she can get married without the support of her family. I don’t know what to do we have been planning the perfect wedding for months. Should I cancel the wedding in the hope her family will come around or forge ahead knowing she isn’t entirely happy? 

Hazel

This is sad that your partner’s parents won’t attend your wedding and I’m sure that this is a very emotional thing to deal with. I myself didn’t have my own parents attend my wedding as my father had passed away and my mother couldn’t fly to Barcelona due to health reasons. I’m not going to lie it did leave a void but we couldn’t let their absence dictate the day. Fundamentally, it’s about the both of ye and for whatever reasons they won’t attend may be out of your control. It’s your special dayJ. Waiting around for other people to be on the same page as ye may take forever – why let them ruin the fun?

Hi there,

I am 21 years old and have recently come out as gay (to myself). I come from large and very traditional farming family in North Kerry where I am constantly being hassled by my aunties to “meet a nice girl and settle down”.  I am the youngest of five boys all of whom have met their partner and settled down at a young age. I have no idea how my sexuality is going to be received or whether I am ready for any negativity that may come my way as a result. Part of me thinks I should just bite the bullet while the other half is scared to bits!! Help!!

Peter

Coming out can be a very hard thing to do – not knowing how your announcement will be looked at and judged by family and society can lead to constant worry. I would strongly advise that you take time with your decision and get comfortable with yourself; being scared with a decision like this is completely understandable. Just remember you are in no hurry as you are probably feeling the pressure from yourself to come out, saying that you should always stay true to yourself and believe in yourself. Trust your gut and you will know when the time is right.

Hi,

My friend has just gotten engaged to the love of her life. They are made for each other. She has asked me to be her maid of honour which I was thrilled to accept. She wants me to organise her hen night but I have no clue about LGBT stag/hen nights? Are there traditions? Is it the exact same as a typical straight hen party (pardon my ignorance)? I see on your social media the tag #celebrateinstyle and #doityourway but I really don’t want to miss a beat (and ultimately look foolish) when I’m planning the party?

Sarah

I strongly advise that you have a conversation with your friend, for her to ask you to be her maid of honour means that she loves you and trusts you :). Tell her how you are feeling and I promise she will understand any concern you might have. Traditions can be out the window at any stag/hen party whether it’s gay or straight!! Ask her for example does she want it to be a gay/lesbian bar/nightclub as she may feel more comfortable about this. Once you ask the basic questions I guarantee it will be a very easy party to plan.

Hey HagParty,

I really need your advice. My partner’s mother is ruining our wedding!! She has to have a say in EVERYTHING and gets moody if she doesn’t get her way. To make things worse, my partner is an only child and has always been a mammy’s boy so he says yes to everything she suggests.

I got home from work yesterday to find she had booked our wedding music without asking us!! THIS HAS TO STOP!!! Have you gotten any advice on dealing with the dreaded in-laws? I really don’t want our marriage to start off on the wrong foot but I feel if I don’t speak up soon I’ll crack!!!

 Kevin

I agree that this has to stop immediately!! This day is about two people, your partner and yourself. I can understand she is enthusiastic as it’s her only son but she will need to back off. If your husband to be can’t seem to say this to his mother then I suggest that maybe you meet her for a coffee or a strong drink and tell her that you love how involved she wants to be but ye have very different tastes – maybe give her a project for herself like arrange the florist and this way she will feel involved. This is not how you want the start of marriage to begin – bite the bullet and put your foot down!!!

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About the Author

Material Boy (aka David Babington) is a serious fashion addict. A Madonna fanatic, blogger, hairstylist, stylist, columnist at WOh magazine, and that’s just a taster! Life is for living  and that’s exactly what he’s doing!

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